Saturday, February 12, 2011

Wedding Ring

I Was Having A Conversation With My Sister (Asiyah) and The Question That Was Posed Was... 
"Would You Like A CRAZY Blinged Out Wedding Ring (Huge Rock and MAD Diamonds) & A Small Apt?  OR A Nice House YOU TWO Own (Fully Furnished and All The Amenities) & A "Decent" Wedding Band?".
                           Comment, Share Your Thoughts, and Give FeedBack... !


Melissa Preston said...

I much rather have a house and slowly build a solid foundation that will flourish with my mate. A ring doesn't keep you warm in the winter or give you a sense of security. Women should wisely plant the seeds of growth, it will be a much more rewarding and prosperous marriage in the long run.

yy said...

1. Why can't you have both? The larger question this post raises is why do women so frequently have to choose between two things she may equally desire and deserve?

Furthermore, are men socialized and raise to accept such dichotomy in their lives? When was the last time you heard a man say "I have to choose between an unattractive, well educated women who will be loyal to me and an asset to my household and an attractive woman whose loyalty is questionable and ability to educate my children is severely limited by her lack of schooling and interest in edifying pursuits." Likely, NEVER!

Men don't HAVE to choose between the two. They will either wait till they get a woman who embodies the best of both worlds or they will engage in multiple relationships that allow him to enjoy all of the the things he wants in a partner.

Bottom line: reject the choice altogether and insist on what you need to make you happy. That may take the form of a huge ring and a house to match or a loft you renovate as a couple and matching bracelets that has your partners wedding vow etched in it.

Malik said...

To be honest, whatever makes each person happy is what each couple should do. My wife did not want an engagement ring, and I was not going to participate in a tradition that was popularized by some corporation (De Beers) in the 50s. Unfortunately, we have been socialized to expect certain things as the "norm". Psychologist called this phenomenon conditioning. Folks should look up Edward Bernays and the Century of the Self documentary from the BBC. However to each his/her own.

Some thoughts I had on this on my blog:
Why are our relationships so disastrous?

Maryam said...

I can't really comment bc I'm going to have both... No question abt it.

Calligrafist said...

Melissa - I Agree With That, We Can Always Work Towards That "ROCK"... But I Would Rather A Woman Who Is About "Us" and Not Just Her Finger and What She Thinks Her Friend Will Think.

YY - I understand and see where you are coming from, but the reason the question arose, was because of expenses and the man not having enough to have both, but they clearly wanting each other as man and wife.

Many at times, women want a ring because of the way it is viewed by others... for example, if you're a Millionaire and you don't get your wife a ring that is HUGE, you're viewed as "cheap"... but maybe she doesn't want all of that.

but again, I see what you are saying and can't really argue or debate, because that is what you stand by FIRMLY.

I Like The Bracelets Idea.

Malik - Can always count on you to bring books and relevant other post for the subject.

I agree with you as well... would definitely checkout your blog post.

Maryam - LOL, of course YOU would say that. (Inshallah, You'll Get It).

Thank You All For The FeedBack.


Najmah said...

I've been married and I never even got a ring, nor did I ask for one. I'm not a flashy person when it comes to material possessions, but I do like to live comfortably. This is one of my rights as a wife that my husband should give me a living standard I'm used to or better. So yeah skip the ring, which is to show off or please others, and invite all those ppl over for a big BBQ in the backyard of your beautiful, nicely furnished home!!!

Calligrafist said...

See this why we click (Najmah)... You didn't ask (but did you secretly desire one?)

Najmah said...

:)...nope, not at all...if I desired it, I would've just asked for one, instead of expecting him to read my mind(a big mistake ladies make) but that's a completely different thread!!!

Malik said...

One other point. At the heart of this discussion is economics and personal preference. You have to ask yourself, if someone ONLY had the means to chose between a house (under normal circumstances an appreciating asset) and a diamond ring (a depreciating asset) which you can not live in nor provide a roof over your head you have ask where someone's priorities are.

Of course, personal value as it relates to happiness is subjective and an individual will forego the future wealth generating potential of a house because the personal utility of the ring eclipses (at least in their mind) the total value of a house. Although not the smartest economic decision everyone has to do what makes them content in their life. If they can get both out of the deal (not very likely), considering the average salary (mean household income) in the U.S. is somewhere around 50K.

When we are young (early to mid twenties) we don't the have anything close to the necessary savings to buy an diamond ring or even put a substantial down payment on a house and pay for a wedding cash. In most cases they will go into debt, which means they didn't have the money in the first place. Of course there will always be the exception to the rule where the couple has massive amounts savings and capital which would allow them to buy whatever they wanted without going into debt or depleting their savings to a point where they don't have an 6-8 month cash emergency fund. I believe that the average person cannot afford this "new age" set of financial expectations that have been handed down from De Beers and Cecil Rhodes.

Subha said...

I think depending on your own socioeconomic status you may be expected to have both as a testament of your wealth and status. I come from a modest background.

The ring certainly doesn't make the marriage, but it's nice to have if the means are available. I would prefer a house- because it is a strategic way of building wealth and to have something to pass down to your children.

Actually, the more I travel (even domestically), the less materialistic I become...The ring is less appealing when you're in the midst of people who are struggling to provide food,clothes,and shelter for their families. It's easy to get caught up in America's consumerism.

Calligrafist said...

I Like how you ended that Subha, I totally agree as well. Only we in America (and Europe) stress the ring so much and if we don't get it, it's a "bad thing".

you looked at it in a realistic and family oriented way... NICE!


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